Spontaneous would never be a word used to describe my personality. I was born a planner. Even as a young child I recall feeling driven to have my next move ready to go and the next and the next and so on. Feeling caught off guard or unprepared made me a nervous wreck. As I grew older that need never lessened. It actually increased even more when I became a mommy. My actions and decisions now directly effected another individual. It was my responsibility to be prepared for every possible scenario.
Predictability, routines and schedules not only comforted my babies– especially McK but myself, also. I could count on them. I knew what to expect. No risk for disappointment when you have it all figured out. That was all tested when we started dealing with McK’s health issues. We now live in a world that I describe as “controlled chaos”. Kinda crazy, right? Chaos by nature is not controlled. That’s why it makes sense to me. I can try to mold, shape and guide my life and the lives of my children but I can’t completely control them. Don’t let me fool you though. I still want the control. The desire to have it has not lessened. I just deal with it better. Because I have to.
You can’t be prepared for every possible situation in life that may arise. You are not always the one in control. Fact. Deal with it. That’s the good. That’s the bad of it. I am reminded of that daily. My family is stepping out of our comfort zone today. We are doing something with less than 24 hours of prep and planning. On the fly, so to speak. At least for us. Today the only thing I will be prepared to do is have fun. I will be open to whatever is thrown my way. I will take a risk without the benefit of knowing the outcome. I’ll let ya know how it turns out.
Here. We. Go.